Illustration of Christ and His Church: The Marriage relationship
We are in a crisis in America. This crisis we find, not only in the secular arena, but it is just as bad in the Christian. There is a loss of order in the family. We have lost any idea of authority in the family. There is very little understanding about what God has to say about authority in the family; divine order in the family. In Ephesians chapter 5 Paul is discussing the walk of the believer. He mentions the vital importance of the believer being “filled with the Spirit (Eph 5:18).” Yes, the believer is indwelt with the Spirit when He is justified, but there is a process of yielding to the Spirit in his walk. The yielding can bring a filling of the Holy Spirit in the believer’s life. This enables the believer to walk according to God’s will. Then as a Spirit filled believer we acting as such in our conversations, actions, and dealings with others (v. 19-20). From this point Paul moves into the portion where he deals with family life – marriage. He does so by illustrating the husband wife relationship as that of Christ and His Bride.
In order for the marriage to be successful there must first be a submission to God which is made possible only by one who is born again. Then he points out that both husband and wife are to be in submission to one another as they walk with God (v. 21). After all that Paul gives one verse to the wives. They are to submit unto their own husbands just like they are to the Lord (v. 22). Too many men take this to mean that they are to demand respect from their wives. In others words, the wife submits because the husband tells her to. That is contrary to what God says. God says this is voluntary on the part of the wife. Just like God doesn’t force us as believers into submission to Him, the husband doesn’t force the wife into submission to him. This is something that is earned out of following the pattern God has set forth. This does not at all imply inferiority. It speaks to her willingness to be obedient to God’s order for the family. This is not a command that the man orders – this comes directly from God to the wife. It is the wife being obedient to the Lord – in response to the husband’s leadership.
The key word in respect to the wives is submit. However there is also a key word for husbands. Look @ (vv. 25, 28, 33) – verses that speak directly to the husband. They (we) are to love your wife. You see the key to leadership in the home is LOVE – it is the man who is to initiate and permeate the home with LOVE. I would like to use a little outline I worked on to illustrate this love – it is a:
- I. Sacrificial Love (vv. 25-27)
It was a sacrificial love that put Jesus on the cross. It is a sacrificial love that will make our homes and marriages. This is the kind of love that is selfless and also a love that sanctifies the wife. Husbands are to agapate taV gunaikaV. That is specifically saying “a love that is irrespective of merit, even to the undeserving (Hoehner 747).” Yes we will get on each nerves from time to time, but we love like Christ loves us. God demonstrated His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. The husband should be willing to die for his wife, and that should permeate the home. This will bring the wife to the place God would have her be – in submission. I also mentioned this love sanctifies. It always builds up and never drags down. Too many men in this country that like to act the role of the “tough guy” but in reality they are nothing but wimps. Build your wife up. It is the husband’s job to be the spiritual leader in the home as well.
- II. Personal Love (vv. 28-30)
Society says to love yourself first and others come after you are taken care of. Yet God calls us to put others first. That is essential in the home and marriage. The husband is to love his wife just like himself. Problem is too many men act like they are still in high school.
- III. Mystical Love (vv. 31-33)
Paul borrows from Genesis 2:24 and says “the two become one flesh.” That is mystical. John Stott calls this unity of one flesh like that of the believer and Christ – baptized into the body of Christ (231). That is a mystery indeed. Now Paul touches on the Genesis passage and it may help to mention the “leave and cleave” of marriage. A new home is begun, and husband and wife need to stop running home to mommy and daddy every time there is a problem. Work it out in love together. The husbands first loyalty after Christ is to his wife. The wife’s first loyalty after Christ is her husband. Mom and Dad do not run your new home. When the husband loves his wife it is not something he will lose. While Paul uses the church and the Lord illustration it may help to look at what Jesus said. “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left they first love (Rev 2:4).” He doesn’t say lost he says left. It is easier to admit we lost something than left it. Then in (v. 5) Jesus says “remember – repent – repeat.” I will leave the specifics to your imagination.
John Phillips summarizes well in saying: “a capable strong willed woman who is married to an incompetent, passive man certainly has a problem, but it is not too difficult a problem for God to solve. If she will seek the Holy Spirit’s filling, if in the power of His enablement she will reverence her husband, build him up, and help him where he is weak and she is strong, her husband will develop the masculine qualities that command her reverence. If she refuses to reverence her husband, she will dominate him and cause him to become resentful. Or she could cause him to develop feminine characteristics that are most unlovely in a man, while she develops masculine characteristics that are most unlovely in a woman (171).”
